Over 200 people attended services, and several flew into town. Mr. Rager, you’re a legend.
Please google his official obituary at Ruggiano Family Memorial Home.
Nicky. Witty, scrunkly, irreverent, my Byronic Bukowski, L. Lawliet. I’ve never been able to recreate our banter. You sharpened my sword. I should have married you. Recently, I found out my first love passed away unexpectedly in January 2025. He was my best friend, and something truly special; there will never be another one like him. He was deeply loved and I cherish his memory. He was always taking care of, looking after me and everyone he came across. Made me feel sane when I felt like I was going mental. Got me out of dangerous situations, time and time again. Helped me regain my sobriety, for the time I knew him. No one truly cared about people and humanity like you did. He saw things others didn’t, possessed this rare profound insight I still strive to realize years later, and at random bursts. Knew things before they happened. An acute observer of human beings, you just got things. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t know anything at all. He was an artist and had such a vibrant inner life; I wish he had shared more of it. He was so gregarious but felt like the bells were ringing too loud and taking them off wasn’t an option. You tried so hard to stop me from following you, I should have listened. I’m forever grateful for how much you fought. Your courage stuck with me the most; I could tell you made that momentous effort every day. You taught me water, my friend. The first to make me feel pretty. We were children together again. Can’t stop replaying our memories, they flood back, uncontrollably. You were always looking after me.
I know you didn’t want anyone to remember you, but that’s impossible. Sorry, but I won’t let you blink out. I can’t ever forget you. I wish I had reached out sooner. Life is too short for waiting and egocentrism. Sorry Nicky, but I don’t have your courage.
Everything’s jumbled.
When we first met, he was on top of this hill by the sea, dark hair blowing in the wind. Looked so at peace, straight into the sun. Like he was melting into everything. Set everything in motion. Felt this irresistible pull to talk to him and have never regretted it. I’d never met anyone so much like you who understood things. Who I felt was a kindred spirit. Shared souls—no one knew me like you did then. They don’t know us like we know us, no cap.
I miss joyrides to school and playing hooky with you, listening to all our favorite music. Teaching me all the slang I missed, biking around town, urban exploration, messing with people, talking smack. Your usual spots, I visit them all the time, hoping to see you. I’d have no way of knowing left from right in this town if it weren’t for you.
He lived according to life. He radiated joyful and made me feel joy for the first time since I was a child. Possessed this indominable will and took life by the balls; if he wanted to do something, he would just do it and let nothing get in the way. And was tricky, tactful, hilarious about it. When I met him, he was pursuing a secret dream. Gave me the courage and strength to do the same. But what is the use of realizing a dream if you’re not there? As I fly, I try my best to take you up with me. I’ll try my scientific best to command your fleet, beamer boy.
Tried to erase my memories, but I can’t and don’t want to anymore. How could I have forgotten all these things? Wires rearranged by the outside but how foolish to think that would last. I will never forget you ever again. For the longest time now, I’ve felt the world and everyone in it was paper. Sounds pass through but don’t reverberate. During the moments I spent with you, those are what seemed real. In my dreams, I’m checking into a florist’s shop and see you there, walking in.
Stay hip, Nick.
I love you forever.
- Tee Tee
